Crazy Disciple

Autumn in Paris

This photograph is of the Bassin de la Villette, this is my walk home every night.   Well actually, I walk along the waters edge, not over this bridge.  To the right of this image, just beyond the building and along those street lamps is the path that I take home.  My school meets just over there, and you have probably seen several pictures of that area, but not from this perspective.   Anyway, it is beautiful.

As the cold settles in to Paris and autumn starts feeling like winter, it is amazing to me the sheer number of people that I see in the streets.   It's peculiar and strange to me on so many levels.   One of those levels is that I am actually out there too, walking to class, walking to meet a friend for dinner, in the rain, in the wind, and in the cold.   That would have never happened back in Tulsa.   Sure I might get rained on when traveling from my car to the office, or maybe on our way to Luby's for a weekly company lunch, but never to this degree.   The beautiful thing is that the city continues to move and people continue to function, in spite of the hassles of weather.

The other levels of surprise are in the homeless and impoverished people, finding ways to stay warm and grab something to eat.   I can't help but think that the wind and rain is even colder for them, and they don't even have the pleasure of heading somewhere.   I wonder how beautiful Paris looks to them?   It can't make up the difference....   There has to be more to those stories, so much more.  

La fraise un, s'il vous plaît

(Go ahead, click it...   you should see this one full screen)

A lot can happen...

Yesterday I revisited a blog entry from one year ago.   I have been carrying around those thoughts all day, of where I was a year ago, and the natural progression of those thoughts is the question of where I will be in a year from now.   Now I am not talking about where I will physically be, as there are just too many factors to something like that.  I am moreover meaning where I will be as a Christian, as a man, as a person, a student, son, brother and friend.   Who will I be in a year?

This question really struck me today as I rode into the Republique metro station.  I was perfectly positioned in the right car, on line 5, headed back from school in what was now a dark evening.  Daylight savings time has ended over here in Europe, a week earlier than the states.   So for a time, a short time, I am an hour closer to each of you.   Anyway, when I stepped out of the metro car I pondered an interesting scenario;  Even if I returned to Tulsa today and even got back most of my things, that I could never look at life the same way as I did five weeks ago.  I simply cannot undo the change that has already been done in me.  

Now whether or not that is a good thing is really dependent on the subject, and I believe it will continuously be my decision.  It's a good one for me.  However, if we remove that from the equation, and simply say that it will not be a good thing, or a bad thing, it will moreover just be a truth.  A truth that I cannot ever go back to seeing life the way I did then...  It's a little frightening.

Now truthfully, this is the case for every single one of us, no matter where we are in life.   We can never go back, we can never erase realization and thankfully never undo an epiphany.   But to grasp that idea, to really grab on and digest the realization of letting go of what we have held close (and maybe even protected) there are some feelings of panic... 

I remember sitting in church in my last weeks at Destiny, I remember looking at the chairs, and the colors, and the faces, and realizing that they will never be that way again, at least not for me.  No matter what kinds of change happened there, that I would return with a completely changed perspective on life, as a whole, and consequently I would never ever have those moments again. 

I could probably go through every aspect of my life and explain away the same thought processes, because they were all there.   What is more important is that in making those decisions, I decided that I believed enough in where things were going, that I could let go of where they were, and where they had been.  I didn't need to protect, control or change anything, I just needed to let it become what it was to become, while I became what I am to become, and when we meet back up on the other side...   it will be better.  

Where will I be in a year?   I really don't know the answer to that, but I do know that I will be in a better place than I am today.   And I really like where I am today. 

I had no idea

Tonight, I sat up with Mark McCord and watched a movie that had really moved me, and (in my own mind) shaped and perhaps even inspired the journey I am on today, "Into The Wild."  After watching the movie, I was inspired, or maybe lead to go back and look at the post I had originally written after seeing this movie in a theater.  You can read the whole post here or, you can just read the following excerpt... 

The romance of living a life as a wanderer still calls to me, albeit from a distance. I feel like it is the life I sought for so many years amongst the heartache and emptiness of codependency and abandonment. Finally I have come to a place in life where relationships season the life bestowed upon me by God instead of being the source for life themselves. I still have that yearning however, to take this kind of life-shaping adventure.  It seems that in my minds eye this can only be achieved alone, can it truly happen with cohorts and perhaps a partner?  The hunger is ever present, and was a big reason I sought out this movie in the first place.  I wonder what it means, or if I will escape it.

Alex was right, happiness is indeed only real when shared, now I just need to focus on sharing it. I'm experiencing that, for certain, and in a very healthy way (I think.) Still the life of adventure calls. (I can already imagine the comments to this post, in that adventure is definitely something I am currently enjoying, and with amazing people and friends... This is very true, and I am so thankful for them, and it.) I just wonder when the calling inside of me for this other adventure, the one like Alex took, will finally subside?

Maybe it will only be when I take on that adventure myself.  It seems the possibility of such an escapade is falling further and further away.  Responsibility and life beckons, and there is most certainly joy found in those things, but  to be free, to be a wanderer, taking in all that life has to offer, moment by moment...   Magic.

Reading this entry into my blog really amazed me, I don't think I could have even dreamt that such an adventure was only a short time away.   It's hard to believe how far things have come since then, as I am sitting in Paris right now, sharing the adventure of a lifetime with some incredibly remarkable people. 

After finishing reading the post out loud to Mark, I checked the date...  October 21, 2007...   Almost exactly one year ago.   WOW.  Who would have thought it... ???? 

God is so good!  

l'Eglise Saint Laurent

Morality and Photography

Tonight I took another stroll, this time to an area that I haven't been around much.  I followed a street named Rue du Fauberg Saint Denis north from Blvd Bonne Nouvelle to an area of town that is quite lively, and seemingly of a deep middle-eastern influence.  

As I walked, I had my camera hanging to one side in what I would call a speed-sling configuration.   The camera is well attached to my body, but still hangs off to the side so that I can move quite freely.  This configuration allows me to shoot a LOT of pictures, as I can walk without anyone realizing I have a camera, and then seemingly out of no where, start shooting without ever removing the camera from my shoulder, or the harness it is attached to.   I really dig shooting that way.

So, walking at night in a oddly lit street using my 50mm f1.8, I grabbed some amazing photos.   I will attach a few after this post.   The morality play came in when I came up on four people digging through the garbage.   I don't know what they were looking for, but I suspect it was either food or anything of value.  Photographically, it was a gorgeous moment: One of the four was this rather gentle looking woman, in a clean outfit with her hair done "just-right."  She was holding the trash can with one hand and digging deep with the other.  Honestly, the image captured so much of what you see in Paris, people scraping by to survive.  Oh, and did I mention that the lighting was perfect?

So (you all know where this is going) I starting shooting, in my "I'm going to shoot a thousand pictures so that I can get the right one" mode.   I captured some really incredible images, but one in particular took my breathe away.   I stopped, knowing that I had what I wanted, and I walked on.   After about 50 yards from that location, another woman ran up to me yelling in French...   I don't know exactly what she was saying, but it had a lot to do with "photo" and anger.  I don't know if it was a matter of religion, or just a matter of Pride, but I got the drift...   it's tough capturing people in their worst moments, and they certainly don't want those documented.    

So anyway, I kept telling her that i didn't understand, and then I walked away.   There was some truth to that, I really did not understand the words, but in all truth, I totally got the meaning.   So then I walked home, a bit convicted and wondering what to do.

Should I delete the pictures?  I mean the likelihood that anyone would ever see them and know who this person was...   it is next to impossible.  But isn't this more about integrity than actuality?  Furthermore, if I delete this one picture, will that mean that I have to delete all the ones that I take of people who otherwise might not want that picture taken?  Do I ask every person and get them to sign a release?   It's a tough call, the answer is undoubtedly somewhere in a shade of gray.  (I'll post some of the results from tonight in separate posts.)

Went for a walk

So it had been a week since I had even since la Tour Eiffel.   It's not that big of a deal, but I am in Paris.   SO...  tonight I packed up a tripod with my camera, and even took the video camera along (Ill edit that footage later.)  I didn't even really take that many photos, I just planned the ones I wanted to shoot, and then shot them.   The best part was listening to some great teaching while I was setting it all up and capturing the shots...    It was a refreshing evening.  So...   in case you aren't yet sick of pictures of the Eiffel Tour, here are a few more.  Oh, and they must have been working on the lights last week, because it's blue again.   Crazy. 

 

For I was hungry...

Matthew 25:34-40

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

This is a photo of men lining up to be fed a free warm meal on a cool (not yet cold) afternoon in Paris.  I have debated for a few hours now as to whether or not to just leave the post at that...   Hungry guys, lining up to be fed.   Wow, that is heartbreaking isn't it?  I thought about volunteering with this organization, but after careful inspection, it appears to be a Muslim charity.  Wow, I feel torn in some ways I never expected.  

Missed this one

I always find it interesting to go back and look at pictures I have shot a while back.  This was in my first week in Paris.  It's a very interesting photo, and I know why I didn't like it.  I failed to do what I was intending to do with the picture, but looking back at it now, I like it!   Make sure and click on the photo so you can see it full size.

Ok, I've officially lost it...

I have heard it said that the best sign of language absorption is the experience of dreaming in the new language.  Well, last night it happened.   Ironically, I wasn't speaking to myself in French, instead I was working through speaking to someone ELSE in French (which is my typical day) and I remember thinking to myself that I was doing fairly well.   Ironically, I woke up and realized that I was just dreaming and then I got REALLY excited...  I had just dreamt in French. 

Now please, for those of you back home in the states, don't take this as a sign that I am walking around as a fluent French speaker...   that couldn't be more far from the truth.  However, I am really feeling a change in gears as I am having more ability in hearing the language, and even thinking through some more complicated sentences.  And while my pronunciation is better than a lot of people I encounter, it still takes two or three attempts for most native French speakers to understand me much at all.   I do find myself speaking more and more each day though...   and that is cool.

Lastly, in case you are wondering what the picture has to do with anything...   ummmm  I don't know.  It is the Eiffel Tower!  Other than that, it just looks cool.   They have however, changed its color back to Orange.   So if you came to Paris today, you wouldn't see it l=in this rich shade of blue.   Too bad, I liked the blue.